do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
