i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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