my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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