similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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