I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
