i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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