Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
