i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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