I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
