you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
