im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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