I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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