his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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