you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize