I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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