i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
