What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
