But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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