do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
