yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
