did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
