I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
