I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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