come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize