I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
