I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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