The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want a musical about memes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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