I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize