When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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