i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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