I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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