I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
