shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
two words: eviction party
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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