it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want her autograph on my taint
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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