....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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