dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
