oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize