I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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