successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
