Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
