is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
