nut hugger
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
