a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
