she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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