So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
