Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
