Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
