Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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