i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
