Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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