So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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