Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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