I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
