so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize