I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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