I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize