I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
