This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
