is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
