My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize