Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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