I am puke
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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