It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
