we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
