so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
