Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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