Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize