I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
