This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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