so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
