I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
