my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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