I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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