Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
