Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
