I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
