Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
