oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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