glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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