Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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