yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
