I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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