Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
