Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
