Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
