you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
