Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
