24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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