Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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