I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
