chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
