i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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