I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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