Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
either way he was missing a nipple.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
