Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize