Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
