Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize