Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
