I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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