I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
