pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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